Welcome to my world of baby and cat

On Bearing Crosses

Thu, 09 May 2013 08:52:27 -0500

A few weeks ago we got some news that means, with some certainty, Caroline will remain an only child. This news wasn’t really shocking, but it was upsetting. As we have had some time to let it sink in I have come to better terms with it. I have to say, the hardest part has been being on Facebook. I took a little break from it all awhile back, took the app off my phone and didn’t check in for a week or two. But then I slowly started checking back in. The main thing I felt like I needed a break from was the group of people I know from college who are all steadily building their own little armies of children. Good for them, really. Great for them.

However, every last one of them cycles around the same set of articles about how the entire world is against them, what they believe, and how hard it is to have a large family these days. Every careless comment from a stranger about the many children they are toting around seems to indicate something extremely upsetting. Certainly any jerk drawing attention to you in a negative way is embarassing. I know this. At least once a week I am asked when we will have another child. I am told by strangers in the park, restaurants, the bathroom, that my daughter needs a sibling. I do not sit down a write diatribe about what this means about our society and its values. If anything, what it says is that people are very rude and feel completely comfortable saying anything they want to perfect strangers.

And these dear, smart, funny people are all falling apart. All of them, at some point has mentioned how horribly difficult it is to have so many children. Each shattered milk cup, diaper blowout, sleepless, feverish night is another indicator of how we bear a cross for the cause of being open to life.

And this is ok. It is a sacrifice to stay home with kids. But it’s also a sacrifice to work, at any job, with or without kids. Being an adult isn’t fun. We all want to sleep more, we all want to travel.

The life you are living is the life you have been given. Live it. I fully realize that I can unfollow these people, stop reading the articles, stop using every cry for fellowship from these lonely and tired mothers as a reflection of how I’m failing. I’m not failing. They are not failing either.

In September Justin will attend grad school full time. I will go back to work. Caroline will start Kindergarten. These things would be much harder to juggle with more kids. Money will be tighter and our time together will be less frequent. I’m ok with this! It would have been much harder to work through the decision for Justin to quit his job if we already had another kid. It’s hard to not think these things fell into place for a reason. Maybe they did, but maybe it’s just the life we have been given. We are struggling through it like anyone else.

It is hard to not think about the future, to think that some day I will sit back and wish we had had more. But more of what? More happiness? More love in this family of 3? It can’t be possible for my heart to be any fuller than it already is. There is no hole waiting to be filled. And if it is a “miracle,” as my doctor said, that I even have Caroline, then I will take that miracle and go forward. We will be ok.

"My dad called me during chemistry-he’s so lonely. He’s like ‘Um, do you want to..."

Thu, 02 May 2013 17:14:41 -0500

“My dad called me during chemistry-he’s so lonely. He’s like ‘Um, do you want to hang out this weekend?’ And I’m like “uhhhh sure dad.” God. He’s so lame.”

- Coffee shop girl

The ongoing struggle of Stranger Danger

Wed, 01 May 2013 16:47:52 -0500

Me: what if a person said they were lost and needed you to help them?
Caroline: I AM BUSY. I can't help you out because I'm also lost.

There is nothing novel or surprising about the fact that after...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 09:37:31 -0500

There is nothing novel or surprising about the fact that after seeing David Sedaris last night I have only good things to say. I’m sure many people would consider him too big now, too mainstream, which is an attitude I reject. Like most reading people, I’ve read all his stuff and find it hilarious and moving. He spoke last night for over an hour, to an almost packed house at the Dallas Winspear Opera House. He read from his new collection, (which includes essays he has written specifically for teenagers participating in Forensics, after being told by many of them that they perform his work all the time. This delighted Justin) some new stories he’s working on, and musings from his diary. The audience was was great, an often tough feat here in Dallas. After the show he stayed for over 4 hours signing each and every book put before him. He stayed so long because he spent a good five minutes talking with each person who came up. Justin and I brought a book from home and purchased the new book there. When it came for our turn, he opened my book to discover that I had left my niece’s “Flat Stanley” (which I had brought to take a picture in front of the Opera House). His fatigued eyes lit up, “Oh this is so cute!” he said. I explained what it was and he signed my book accordingly.

I can’t say enough good about this author known by the entire world. His tour is putting him in a different city each night, and he brings such a genuine, gracious attitude with him. His anecdotes between stories were clearly off the cuff, which made it seem like a conversation with close friends. The time he spent chatting with us during the signing was endearing and kind. He seemed genuinely impressed when I mentioned Justin was starting SMU’s MFA acting program in the fall during our discussion of Forensics and theater. He asked what our plan was, what I would do, and laughed at story I told about our daughter.

To engage with an artist that has no monetary incentive to visit with fans in this way is remarkable. I’ve been reading Sedaris since college. His work is so personal that I feel like I know him, and the genuineness translates so palpably. Even though he is widely read and known, it is restorative to see so many people delighted by an author. In this age of smart phones and dearth of human interaction, it was wonderful to see so many people waiting hours just to engage with an artitst whose work means something to them.

bg5000: unimpressedcats: kitties and bunnies unite I just...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 17:17:40 -0500

bg5000:

unimpressedcats:

kitties and bunnies unite

I just can’t with the third one.

Oh sweet Jesus I cannot handle this.

nprfreshair: In 2007, filmmaker Werner Herzog dedicated his...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:25:40 -0500

nprfreshair:

In 2007, filmmaker Werner Herzog dedicated his documentary Encounters at the End of the Worldto Roger Ebert. At one point during Herzog’s commentary track, he calls Ebert “a warrior of the cinema.” Ebert responded to the compliment in a letter to Herzog.

My favorite part of Ebert’s letter:

I believe you have never made a film depending on sex, violence or chase scenes…You have avoided this content, I suspect, because it lends itself so seductively to formulas, and you want every film to be absolutely original.

You have also avoided all “obligatory scenes,” including artificial happy endings… And you don’t use musical scores that tell us how to feel about the content. Instead, you prefer free-standing music that evokes a mood: You use classical music, opera, oratorios, requiems, aboriginal music, the sounds of the sea, bird cries, and of course Popol Vuh.

All of these decisions proceed from your belief that the audience must be able to believe what it sees. Not its “truth,” but its actuality, its ecstatic truth.

You can read all of Ebert’s letter to Herzog here.

- Heidi

Still from Encounters at the End of the World

(via cinephilearchive)

This is really beautiful.

nprfreshair: David Sheff on why we shouldn’t wait for a person...

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 16:30:41 -0500

nprfreshair:

David Sheff on why we shouldn’t wait for a person to hit rock bottom before getting them help —

“I’ve heard over and over again, we’re told that they had to let their kids, you know, their husbands, their wives, whoever it was, they had to stand back, not to intervene, let them hit bottom so they would crawl into a treatment and say, ‘Please help me.’ That idea, it is so dangerous. It has killed so many people. The other problem with it is that this is a progressive disease, which means that as long as it’s not being treated, it gets worse. So the longer we stand back and allow this to happen and allow the drug use to continue and allow the behavior that is caused by the drug use to worsen so that someone is going to use more drugs and it’s just a cycle, the harder it is to treat them. So addiction is a disease like anything else. It’s like cancer, like heart disease, like diabetes. And we know that at the first signs of serious illness, we want to seek treatment. If someone in our families had early warning signs of any of those diseases, we would bring them to a doctor to figure out what is going on. We would not wait until the disease progressed.”

Photo credit: istockphoto.com

He occupied the margins because the center was abhorrent. He was able to be genuinely poetic because his broadcasts reached such a small number of people.

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 13:53:53 -0500

He occupied the margins because the center was abhorrent. He was able to be genuinely poetic because his broadcasts reached such a small number of people.

tylercoates: Jason Molina on the recording of “Farewell...

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 14:56:06 -0500

tylercoates:

Jason Molina on the recording of “Farewell Transmission”:

“Farewell Transmission” must be one of the most heroic recording moments of all time, because I called in people that were not already scheduled to be in the band and I was like, “Oh, now we’re going to have a violin player, and we’re going to have an extra singer.” I called out all of these things, much like a conductor does – and trust me, I’m not a conductor. I’m the break man. I will not fuck you up if I am the break man, I just don’t want to move anymore.

We put, I think, about 12 people in a room and recorded that song live, completely live, and unrehearsed. I showed ‘em the chord progression, they had no idea when it would end, and we just cut it.

Steve [Albini] did a beautiful job. I noticed that at one point when it was a little too loud or a little too soft he came and opened a door to make it work, because it was just an ambient recording. When you hear that song kick off everybody knows it, and what’s so disturbing to me is the way that I ended it is I was dictating to the band and Steve—I go “Listen. Listen. Listen.” And then at one point they all stop. It’s great.

tylercoates: Magnolia Electric Co. Frontman Jason Molina Has...

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 11:48:03 -0500

tylercoates:

Magnolia Electric Co. Frontman Jason Molina Has Died

I am incredibly devastated about this.

I’m in a really weird place right now where I feel pretty burnt out and don’t like...

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 10:53:24 -0500

I’m in a really weird place right now where I feel pretty burnt out and don’t like reading anything snarky or negative, but also feeling overwhelmed by the extreme Pope gushing from Facebook friends. I think the bottom line is that the Internet is a barren wasteland that provides no happiness or middle ground.

I want so badly to know what is going on in this situation.

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 09:02:25 -0600

I want so badly to know what is going on in this situation.

bg5000: No need for any more Harlem Shake videos, guys. This...

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 08:55:30 -0600

bg5000:

No need for any more Harlem Shake videos, guys. This one wins. Let’s go out on top.

bg5000: shittyexgirlfriend: I’M LAUGHING SO HARD????? Hope...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 12:22:21 -0600

bg5000:

shittyexgirlfriend:

I’M LAUGHING SO HARD?????

Hope everybody is cool with greeting this Valentine from me this year.

Yep.

Stop Making Sense

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 20:10:44 -0600

Stop Making Sense:

I’m not sure why AV Club is writing this but it’s perfect. This movie is perfect too and this sums up so much of how I feel about it.

Today I was behind a truck with a straight up pro-slavery bumper sticker. I was alone, so I followed...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 12:51:54 -0600

Today I was behind a truck with a straight up pro-slavery bumper sticker. I was alone, so I followed the car into a McDonald’s parking lot. I don’t know what I was thinking or what I thought I’d even say. Then I saw the sticker next to the offending one, “Lifetime NRA” member. I kept driving, because someone horrible enough to think the wrong side won the civil war is probably if the mindset to do something really irrational. So the next time I hear the garbage argument about the majority of gun owners being responsible people I am going to remember this piece of trash and I’m going to remember how I was scared of him.

Help Support a low income school!

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 12:28:00 -0600

Help Support a low income school!:

As many of you might be aware, Texas public schools are grossly underfunded these days. My husband is a theater teacher at a low income school in Irving, Texas. One of his students entered an essay contest (and won for her school). If she advances and wins again, the theater department will receive $3000! In budgetary crises, the arts programs are the first to get cut. Two years ago Justin’s students were denied their musical (the play that attracts the most students and brings in the most money from ticket sales). Without a private donation to purchase just the rights of the play, the play would not have gone on. This money makes a big difference to these programs. It allows them to purchase rights, rent or make costumes, print programs, and build sets. They do so much with so little, this will really help! You can vote for this girl’s essay through the link I have provided. For some of these kids, an extra curricular program like theater is a safe place to be after school. The extra money gives the program the ability to accomodate more students. It really only takes a minute of your time, and it would mean a lot to some very special kids.

Photo

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 20:04:54 -0600

"Those of us who work in the arts know that depiction is not endorsement. If it was, no artist would..."

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 10:06:10 -0600

“

Those of us who work in the arts know that depiction is not endorsement. If it was, no artist would be able to paint inhumane practices, no author could write about them, and no filmmaker could delve into the thorny subjects of our time.

This is an important principle to stand up for, and it bears repeating. For confusing depiction with endorsement is the first step toward chilling any American artist’s ability and right to shine a light on dark deeds, especially when those deeds are cloaked in layers of secrecy and government obfuscation.

”

- Kathryn Bigelow addresses ‘Zero Dark Thirty’ torture criticism (via bg5000)

For Caroline’s birthday we had a Ghostbusters party,...

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 18:02:26 -0600

For Caroline’s birthday we had a Ghostbusters party, complete with a custom made (by a super talented artist friend) Slimer piñata.